


Someone to Talk to

by The_Alice_Killer



Series: One-Shots [46]
Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Friendship, Gen, Sad, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-02-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:32:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22529395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Alice_Killer/pseuds/The_Alice_Killer
Summary: Everyone goes to Tomoe for help. That's how it's always been. But, who can Tomoe go to for help?The answer? No one.
Series: One-Shots [46]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1343500
Kudos: 22





	Someone to Talk to

**Author's Note:**

> This contains self-harm

“Tomoe, can I talk to you?”

“Hey, Tomoe! I need to talk to you.”

“Tomo-chin, you have a moment?”

“We need to talk.”

Tomoe heard those phrases and similar ones very often. She was always the one people went to when they needed to talk. Tomoe didn’t mind it, by any means, but it was hard. She constantly had to worry about other people. To try to help them with their problems.

But, the main thing was: no one ever was there for her to talk to.

She was seen as someone who didn’t have any problems. Someone you could always rely on. But, that wasn’t the case. Tomoe did have problems. And a pretty major one at that. She didn’t know how it happened, but suddenly, she just lost motivation to do much. Nothing felt good to do anymore.

Tomoe didn’t want to talk about it with her parents. Or with Ako. She didn’t feel like they would understand her. But, no one else would listen either. If she tried, they’d always assumed she was asking a question about something unimportant. They never thought she’d be wanting to talk about how she felt.

Tomoe wasn’t in a very good place at the moment. At some point, she had turned to cutting to deal with her problems. She made sure she kept her scars hidden from everyone. She always wore long sleeves now to make sure they were hidden. No one knew anything was up. They all thought she was fine.

Tomoe was sitting in her bedroom at the moment. She was staring at the wall. She was numb inside again. Tomoe grabbed a pocket knife on her bedside. She had put it there under the guise that she wanted something to defend herself in an emergency. That wasn’t the intended purpose of it, though. It’s purpose was for her to use to cut.

Tomoe rolled up her sleeves. She ran a finger down the cuts already coating her arms. She made some new ones. It made her feel something for a little. Something other than just numbness. Tomoe knew what she was doing wasn’t good, but she couldn’t stop. It was the only thing that seemed to help her anymore.

Tomoe sighed as she cleaned up her new scars. She knew at some point, she’d have to talk. This couldn’t keep going on forever. But, she couldn’t find a way to talk to anyone. No one ever had time for her, unlike how she always had time for them.

Tomoe got off her bed and rolled her sleeves down. It was time to go to practice. She sighed and grabbed her bag. She didn’t feel happy in the band anymore. It was just a tedious job to her. She didn’t find any enjoyment in what she did. Tomoe wished she could at least have that to enjoy still.

She was the last one to show up, which had become a normal occurrence at this point. No one thought anything of it after Tomoe just told them she had stuff to do before she came now. They believed her without any question. Why would they think anything was wrong?

Practice was going by slowly again. Time seemed to freeze whenever she was at practice. Tomoe could barely focus on anything. She felt exhausted. Her energy had been depleted a long time ago and never came back. Doing the simplest things were a great struggle, so you could imagine playing the drums was a lot more taxing.

Tomoe managed to stay on tempo so no one suspected anything was up. The last thing she wanted right now was for them to worry. She wasn’t ready to talk. She didn’t know what she would say to them. She had to think about that first. Tomoe just kept pushing it off. She didn’t want to talk.

They took a brief pause between songs. Tomoe couldn’t believe it had only been ten minutes since they started. It felt like an eternity. She just wanted to go back home.

During the next song, Tomoe messed up a few times. It was barely noticeable, but it seemed like everyone could tell. Tomoe hoped they wouldn’t ask her about it. They normally only discussed the issues after practice was over. She had some time yet to prove it was a simple slip up and wouldn’t happen again.

The next song, it was worse. Tomoe was off tempo a lot more. Tsugumi looked over at her with a worried look. It wasn’t like her to mess up so much. Tomoe tried to give her a smile to reassure her that everything was fine. The song ended. Everyone knew something was up. They just didn’t know if it was wise to ask about it.

They planned to take a little longer of a break before playing again. They didn’t say it out loud, but it was so they could keep a close eye on Tomoe. They were worried about her now. Her behavior wasn’t normal. She barely spoke to them the entire practice. She didn’t even sing any parts of the song like normal.

The next song soon came. Tomoe tried her best to focus on not messing up. She needed to show them that she was fine. But, it was hard. She was feeling light headed. She hadn’t really been caring for herself properly. It also didn’t help that she didn’t sleep at all last night.

The song ended. It was the last one they had time to practice. Tomoe shakily put down her drumsticks and grabbed a towel. She didn’t feel very good now. She had a bad headache and could barely see straight.

Everyone else was cleaning up already. Tomoe went to stand up, but she couldn’t. She was in too much pain to move. The next thing she knew, the world started spinning and everything went black.

The other members were made aware of that as they heard a loud thud. They all looked. Tomoe had blacked out and collapsed onto the ground.

“Tomoe!” They all ran over to her.

Himari and Ran were down by her side. Moca and Tsugumi were standing back and watching with worry. None of them knew what to do. They weren’t prepared for something like that to happen.

“Lean her against the wall.” Ran ordered.

Himari and her carefully moved Tomoe so she was leaning up on the wall.

“Tsugu, call an ambulance. Moca, get a wet towel.” Ran started taking control of the situation.

The two of them went and did that. Himari was feeling Tomoe’s forehead.

“She’s burning up.” Himari whispered.

“We should take off some of her clothes.” Ran stated, “It should help cool her down.”

Himari nodded. Moca came back with the towel. Ran carefully placed it on Tomoe’s forehead. Himari started taking off Tomoe’s shirt. She hadn’t expected for there to be another shirt under it. They could understand why she was so hot now.

“Guys…” Moca pointed to Tomoe’s arms.

They all looked and froze in shock. They could see the numerous cuts littering her arms. They looked at each other. This wasn’t good. Tsugumi soon came back and told them the ambulance would be there shortly.

The four of them sat in silence. They didn’t know what to say. Not now that they saw those cuts on her arms. It hurt them to know she was doing that. That she felt she needed to turn to that for some reason.

The ambulance soon came and they took her to the hospital. The four girls weren’t allowed to join her. They had to wait. None of them knew what to do. They started by just going outside.

“We need to talk about what happened.” Himari stated, “Whatever is going on needs to stop.”

“We need to talk to her to figure out what’s going on. There’s no point in talking without her.” Ran stated.

“We might be able to figure it out on our own.” Himari defended.

“Fine. Where are we going to talk then?”

“We should go to someone’s house. We don’t need anyone to hear us.” Moca suggested.

“Alright. Who’s house?” Ran asked.

“We can go to mine. No one’s home right now.” Himari stated.

The four of them went to Himari’s house. They sat in her room. No one spoke for a while. They didn’t know where they would start.

“So… this has been going on for a while, hasn’t it?” Himari broke the silence first.

“I think so.” Everyone nodded in agreement.

“She started wearing long sleeves all the time a few months ago. That must be when she started cutting.” Moca pointed out.

“But… what could’ve made her do that?” Tsugumi asked.

“Was there anything unusual about her before that?” Ran asked.

“I feel like she seemed… out of it for a while before that.” Himari said, “You noticed she seemed to just have lost her spark, right?”

Everyone nodded. They remembered that day. Tomoe just suddenly felt different to them. Almost as if she was a stranger instead of their friend. No one knew what to think of it.

“Maybe… maybe she cut because she felt… hopeless? Like nothing was going to go her way?” Moca offered.

“I still feel like only she can tell us what’s going on. I doubt we’ll guess it. We hadn’t noticed it at all…” Ran sighed.

“We should all go visit her tomorrow then!”

…

That’s exactly what they did. It was just becoming the afternoon when they went and visited Tomoe. She was awake now and looked a little better than before. She refused to look at any of them as they gathered around her bed.

“Tomoe, please, talk to us. What’s going on?” Himari pleaded.

Tomoe stayed silent. She was gripping the bed sheets very tightly. She was holding back tears. Tomoe didn’t want to talk to them right now. She wasn’t ready.

“Please… you can’t keep this all to yourself. You need help.” Tsugumi said.

“Go away.” Tomoe spoke, but not with any of the words they wanted to hear.

“No. We’re not leaving.” Ran stated, “You’re suffering and we want to help.”

“Go away.” Tomoe repeated, but louder.

“Why won’t you talk to us? You’ve always been there for us, so why can’t we do the same for you?” Himari pleaded, her voice cracking as she spoke.

“Do you know how many times I tried to talk to you? Every time you just pushed me away. You didn’t care enough to listen. So why should I talk now?” Tomoe growled.

Everyone was speechless. Thinking back, they did realize all the times Tomoe sought them out to talk. All the times they played it off and joked around instead.

“Tomoe… I’m so sorry… we all are…”

“Leave me alone.” Tomoe stated.

“Tomoe-“ Ran started speaking.

“Let’s go.” Moca cut her off.

Everyone looked over at her. Moca just gave them a sad look and motioned to the door. Everyone slowly left the room. They stood outside the room and stared at each other.

“What do we do?” Tsugumi asked.

“We need her to talk, but she won’t because we fucked it all up…” Ran sighed.

“Ran, don’t curse.” Himari scolded.

“Sorry…” Ran mumbled.

“Maybe someone else could get her to talk?” Moca suggested, “Like Ako?”

“I guess it wouldn’t hurt to try. After all, she’s probably really worried about her.” Himari agreed.

“Let’s go talk to Ako then.” Ran stated.

“You guys go ahead without me. There’s something I want to do first.” Moca waves them off.

“Fine. You better show up before we’re done.”

“No guarantees. It might take a while to do.” Moca replied, “But, I’ll try.”

They left her alone. Moca walked back into the room. Tomoe glanced at her, before she quickly looked down at the bed again. Moca walked over and sat beside her on a chair.

“Tomo-chin, I know you’re hurt… but, please, talk to me. I’ll listen. And I promise from now on we’ll all listen whenever you need us to.” Moca stated.

“Just leave me alone.” Tomoe grumbled.

“Will you talk to anyone?” Moca asked, “You can’t keep this all inside. You know how bad that is to do.”

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me…” Tomoe whispered, “I don’t know why this happened.”

“When did it start?” Moca asked, hoping she was indeed making progress.

“I don’t really know. I think about six months ago…” Tomoe said.

“What do you remember happening?”

“I just… I just suddenly found nothing to be fun… everything is just a job to me anymore. I’m numb. I don’t feel anything anymore.” Tomoe mumbled.

“So, you’ve just lost interest in everything?” Moca asked.

Tomoe nodded, “I never have the energy to do anything. I can’t do much. I get tired just getting up in the morning.”

“You need to get help. Professional help.” Moca stated.

“I don’t want to.”

“It doesn’t matter. If you want to get better, you have to.” Moca replied.

“It’s hard…” Tomoe sighed.

“I know. Um… will you tell me why you started cutting?” Moca asked.

“Because then I felt something. It was the only thing that made me not feel numb.” Tomoe mumbled.

“I see… promise me you won’t do that ever again.” Moca gently forced Tomoe to look at her.

“I… I…” Tomoe was stumbling over her words, “I’ll try…”

“Good. You know you can always talk to us, right? I promise we will listen to you.”

“I know…”

“By the way, the others went to tell Ako what’s going on. She’s worried about you. You’ll probably have to talk to her soon.” Moca said.

“I guess I should’ve seen that coming, huh?” Tomoe managed to crack a small smile.

Moca smiled back. She hadn’t thought she’d actually get her to talk. Moca was very happy she had succeeded.

…

The other three girls were on their way to meet Ako. She was at home. Ako invited them inside and practically demanded they tell her what was going on with Tomoe. Himari and Ran did most of the explaining. Tsugumi occasionally added some things to it.

Ako was extremely upset. She couldn’t believe all of that had been going on and she hadn’t noticed. She felt bad. She felt like she should’ve noticed something was up. And yet, she didn’t. And now Tomoe was in the hospital.

“We’d like you to go talk to her. She doesn't want to talk to us right now. We’re hoping she’d talk to you.” Ran concluded.

“Where’s Moca at?” Ako asked, “Shouldn’t she be here too?”

“She stayed behind. Said she needed to do something.” Ran replied.

“Can we go now?” Ako asked.

They nodded. The four of them made their way back to the hospital. Ako went into the room. Moca was still in there. She looked at Ako. Ako looked at her as well.

“Welp, I’ll leave you two to talk.” Moca said and then left the room.

“You stayed in there the entire time?” The other three girls were shocked when Moca walked out.

Moca nodded, “Yep.”

“Why? You just sat there in silence the entire time, right? Why’d you do that?”

“She talked to me.” Moca stated.

“Wait. Really?” They all were even more shocked now.

Moca nodded, “Yep. She told me what’s been going on. I even got her to smile for me.”

“How on earth did you manage to do that?” Himari asked.

Moca shrugged, “I dunno. She just started talking.”

“Maybe having all of us in there at once was too much?” Tsugumi suggested.

“I guess that could be true.” Himari sighed.

“Will you tell us what she told you?” Ran requested.

“I guess I can.” Moca said in a teasing manner.

“Come on, tell us.” Ran wasn’t in the mood to joke around.

“Fine. Fine.” Moca held her hands up in mock surrender.

…

Moca explained everything she had been told to them. Ako and Tomoe talked for over an hour. When she came out, they all left. They went their separate ways. Everyone felt a little bit better now that they knew what was going on with Tomoe. They just hoped that she would be able to get better.

They were still worried about her. They didn’t know what might happen in the future. They’d like to think that she would get better, but they couldn’t say for certain that that would happen.

The mood was different for everyone. It felt weird not having Tomoe around like normal. All they could really do was text her. They couldn’t see her until tomorrow. Visiting hours were over now.

No one was very active that evening. All of them barely moved from their beds after they got home. It concerned their parents. No one but them knew about Tomoe. That was how they wanted to keep it for now.

They four of them ended up talking for most of the time on their group chat. They made a new one to discuss things about Tomoe without her being aware. They were discussing something that they knew might not go over well with her.

Moca had told them it seemed like Tomoe was going to fight getting help. They started discussing how they could convince her to actually get help. They couldn’t think of anything for a while. Everything they thought of sounded stupid and overused. Things that Tomoe wouldn’t listen to.

Ran was the one who suggested that they threaten her into doing it. They didn’t want to do that, but they didn’t have many options. Ran went on the suggest they force Tomoe to take an indefinite hiatus from the band until she was cleared from her mental health problems. They all knew that would hurt her a lot, so they hoped it would convince her to seek the help she needed.

They didn’t want to hurt her, but they knew no matter what they did, she would hurt. They were going to do things she didn’t want. That would hurt her. They just hoped it wouldn’t make her worse. That was a worry. If she felt they were betraying her and against her, it might not work like they wanted it to.

They’d tell her their decision after she got released. They didn’t want to do it in the hospital. That wasn’t a very good place to discuss that. They needed to be alone where no one could hear them.

…

Tomoe was cleared to leave after a week. She was told to take it easy and possibly should stay home from school for a bit. The day after she was released is when they decided to do their plan. They met up at Tomoe’s house. They sat together in the living room. They were the only ones home. That was good for them. They didn’t want to deal with anyone else being home when they were doing this.

“Tomoe, we’ve been thinking about some things… and we all think you should get some help.” Himari was the one who started the conversation.

“I’m fine. I don’t need help. I can deal with it by myself.” Tomoe mumbled.

“You can’t, though. We all can see that.” Himari protested.

“I’m not getting help. You can’t make me.” Tomoe stared firmly.

“Tomoe,” Ran said, “We’ve all decided that it’s best you take a break from the band. Until you get help and get cleared from these problems, you’re not allowed to perform with us.”

“What?” Tomoe stared at all of them in shock. She looked hurt, as they had expected her to.

“I’m sorry, but we don’t want you pushing yourself and getting hurt again. You need time to get better.” Himari said, “And that means getting help.”

“No! You can’t do this!” Tomoe protested.

“We can and are. You’re on an indefinite hiatus from the band until you get better.” Ran stated.

“It’s for the best, Tomo-chin. We don’t want you getting hurt again. You really scared us.” Moca added.

“B-but…” Tomoe didn’t know what to say to them.

“We’re not trying to be mean, but you need to get help. If this is the only way you’ll get it, then so be it.” Ran said.

“You can’t… you can’t do this!”

“We can. I’m sorry, Tomoe, but it’s not going to change no matter what you say.” Himari said.

“I hate you!” Tomoe yelled and ran off to her room.

The others looked at each other. None of them knew what to do about that. They didn’t really expect her to fight back that much. They thought she would’ve given in after a while.

“U-um… I’m going to check on her.” Tsugumi hesitantly stood up.

“I don’t know that that’s a good idea…”

“We should make sure she’s okay.” Tsugumi said.

“Alright. Go ahead and check on her.”

Tsugumi made her way to Tomoe’s bedroom. She hesitantly knocked on the door and announced herself. She didn’t receive a response. Tsugumi hesitantly tried the doorknob. It was unlocked. She opened the door and walked inside.

“Tomo-“ Tsugumi stopped in her tracks.

“Get out.” Tomoe growled.

“N-no!” Tsugumi walked closer, “I’m not going to leave.”

“Get. Out.” Tomoe repeated, her voice darker than anyone had ever heard before.

“Give me the knife. I’m not leaving and letting you continue to cut.” Tsugumi tried her best to sound firm despite how scared she was.

Tomoe stared blankly down at her arms. They were covered in new cuts. Deeper cuts than normal. Blood coated her arms from them.

Tsugumi walked closer, “Please. Give me the knife.”

“No.”

“Um… t-then I’ll take it from you forcibly.” Tsugumi tried to sound tough. She didn’t know if she had the strength to get the knife.

“One step closer and maybe I’ll cut you.”

Tsugumi froze in place. That was not what she had been expecting. Tsugumi gulped and backed away.

“I’ll be back.” She stayed and then left the room.

She ran back to the living room where the others were still waiting at. They looked at her with some worry. She seemed pretty frantic, after all.

“Is everything okay?” Himari asked.

“No. She’s cut herself again… and when I asked for the knife, she threatened to cut me with it!” Tsgumi was shaking slightly.

“What do we do? I didn’t think she’d get that upset…” Himari gulped.

“Moca, come with me. I have an idea.” Ran stated.

“Okey dokey!” Moca replied.

Ran whispered something to Himari and then the two of them went to Tomoe’s bedroom. They stood outside for a moment.

“What’s the plan?” Moca asked.

“We’re going to have to restrain her and get the knife. I think it’s best she goes back to the hospital right now. We can’t let her do this. I told Himari to call.” Ran explained.

“Yeah… I guess it’s for the best…” Moca sighed.

“Ready?”

“Yeah.”

Ran and Moca entered the room. Tomoe looked at them with a blank expression. While no one had been in the room, she had cut more. There was blood staining her bed and the floor now.

“Tomoe, hand over the knife now or we’ll take it by force.” Ran ordered.

“Get out.” Tomoe growled.

Ran nodded to Moca. The two of them ran up to Tomoe. They grabbed her arms. Ran got the knife out of her grip, but ended up getting cut on it in the process. She hissed in pain as she tossed the knife to the side. Tomoe was fighting against them.

“Tomoe, please… you need to calm down… you’re just going to hurt yourself worse.” Moca tried to reason with her.

“Let go! Get away from me! I hate you!” Tomoe wasn’t giving in.

They couldn’t get her to stop. She was fighting too much for them to even get her into a weaker position. They wanted her lying on the bed so they would be able to restrain her easier. That didn’t look like it would happen, though.

It was hard to keep her under control. But, eventually, she started slowing down. They looked at her. Her eyelids were starting to fall shut. She was looking very pale. In a few moments, she had gone limp and passed out.

“She must’ve lost a lot of blood…” Ran whispered, “We need to stop the bleeding.”

“I’ll see what I can find. You watch her.” Moca said and left the room.

Ran sighed as she carefully shifted Tomoe into a better position. She hated how helpless she felt. She couldn’t do anything to stop this. They all felt that way. They failed her. And now she was hurt worse.

Moca came back in a few minutes with a first aid kit. Tsugumi was with her.

“Himari is waiting for the ambulance.” Tsugumi said.

Moca opened up the first aid kit and pulled out the bandages. Ran went and grabbed a wet washcloth to try and clean off some of the blood. Tsugumi just watched them from the sidelines.

“Ran, let me see your hand.” Moca called after they had done what they could for Tomoe.

Ran held out her hand. It was still bleeding a little bit. Moca cleaned it off and wrapped it up in bandages as well. Himari came up and said the ambulance had arrived. They were coming up to take Tomoe.

…

Like before, they were all motionless and down. None of them could do anything. They had no life in them at the moment. Tomoe was still unconscious and they had no idea when she would wake up.

Everyone was struggling a lot. Especially at school and work. None of them had the energy to do anything. They were almost like zombies. It wasn’t hard to notice that something was amiss.

Lisa was the first one to ask about it. It wasn’t normal to see Moca so dull. So, when they were on a break from their work, she asked to talk to her.

“I can tell something is wrong. Want to talk about it?” Lisa said.

“It’s not something I want anyone else to know about.” Moca replied.

“I can keep it a secret. Come on, it’s obvious you need to talk.” Lisa tried again.

“I’m fine. You don’t need to worry, okay?” Moca gave her a fake smile.

“Moca, stop lying. Just tell me what’s wrong.” Lisa sighed. Moca was still playing her games.

“It’s about Tomoe…” Moca eventually admitted.

“What’s wrong with her?” Lisa asked.

“I don’t know… that’s the thing. She just lost motivation to do anything and… forget I said anything.” Moca quickly caught herself. She wasn’t keen on letting Lisa know the more personal details of what happened.

“Moca, stop playing these games with me. I know you try to hide everything. Just tell me. I promise it’ll stay between us.” Lisa wasn’t happy with Moca’s abrupt ending.

“She’s in the hospital. That’s all I’ll say.” Moca said, “Now, we have to get back to work.”

“Moca…” Lisa sighed as Moca left the break room.

…

A day later, Eve finally asked Tsugumi about it. Tsugumi didn’t know what to say. She knew she shouldn’t share what was going on, but she also wasn’t sure what to say to ease her worry.

“Come on, Tsugumi. Just tell me what’s bothering you.” Eve pleaded.

“I-I’m not supposed to say anything…” Tsugumi whispered.

“You can trust me, can’t you?” Eve pouted, “I won’t tell anyone.”

“I can’t tell you. You don’t need to worry, okay? It’s fine. It’s under control. I promise.” Tsugumi did her best to reassure Eve. Eve wasn’t buying it at all, though.

“Alright. Just, you know you can talk to me if you need to, okay?” Eve knew she wasn’t going to get anything more out of her.

“Okay. I promise there’s no need to worry.” Tsugumi said as she tried to smile.

…

While Himari wasn’t exactly approached to talk, she did get questions at work. The more regular customers would often ask were Tomoe was at. Himari just told them she was sick and wouldn’t be able to work for a while. They seemed to believe her, so that was it for her.

Tomoe still hadn’t woken up. It had been over a month by this point. They were all extremely worried. They had started bringing up the idea that she might never wake up. The doctors didn’t say anything like that to them, but they were starting to lose hope.

It was a late night. Himari couldn’t sleep. She had the urge to go see Tomoe. She didn’t know why, but she just did. Himari decided to listen and quietly snuck out of her house. Thankfully, she was allowed to visit Tomoe whenever she wanted. Himari told no one what she was doing. She didn't see a reason to. And, she figured it would cause worry instead.

It didn’t take her long to reach the hospital. She hadn’t even realized how fast she had been walking. It all seemed like it had happened in an instant. Himari assumed that was just from her being tired. It was almost midnight, after all. It wasn’t a surprise if she was pretty tired by now.

Himari made her way to the room. None of them ever visited her for very long. It was hard to. They couldn’t do it. Every time they looked at her, all they saw was how they had failed her. It hurt them to be reminded of how much they had hurt her.

Himari sighed and entered the room. She made her way to the couch against the wall of the room. She didn’t know why she had been drawn here, but she was. She sat there in silence for a while, staring at the ground. Eventually, she lifted her gaze to Tomoe.

She was still unconscious. Her arms were tightly bandaged up. She still looked extremely pale and sickly. Himari couldn’t keep her gaze on her for long. It hurt too much to do. She sighed. Her body wouldn’t move. She wanted to leave, but she couldn’t bring herself to. It was as if she was tied to the seat.

It had been almost half-an-hour. Himari still couldn’t find a way to leave. She was glued to the couch. Her body refused to move. She didn’t know why. It was strange. She couldn't figure out what was the reason for her staying.

Then, she heard something. It was very faint. Then, it happened again. It sounded like creaking. Himari looked up. Her eyes widened. It seemed like Tomoe was finally waking up. Himari shot to her feet and moved to her side.

After a few minutes of waiting, Tomoe opened her eyes. She couldn’t see anything. It was all too blurry to make out. Tomoe blinked her eyes to try and clear them up. They stayed blurry no matter what she tried.

“Tomoe…” Himari whispered.

“Himari?” Tomoe turned to where she heard her voice.

“You’re awake…” Himari started crying and hugged Tomoe tightly.

“How long was I out for?” Tomoe asked as she tried to hug Himari back.

“It’s been a month… we thought you would never wake up…” Himari pulled back from the hug, but was still crying.

Tomoe carefully moved herself into a sitting position, “What happened? It’s all just a blur to me.”

“What do you remember?” Himari asked.

“That we were all at my house and we were talking. I don’t remember what we were talking about, though…” Tomoe replied.

“We wanted you to get help and… kinda threatened you by temporarily kicking you out of the band. You… you freaked out and ran to your room.” Himari didn’t want to finish, but she knew she had to, “You had… had cut yourself pretty bad. You passed out from how much blood you lost.”

Tomoe stared down at the bed, “I’m sorry…”

“No. It should be us who apologize. We realized we shouldn’t have gone about that the way we did.” Himari started.

“So… am I going to be forced into getting help from here?” Tomoe asked.

Himari shrugged, “I’m not sure, but I’m going to assume probably. Unless you can somehow convince them otherwise, but I don’t think you can.”

“I guess it’s for the best…” Tomoe mumbled.

“We’ll all be there to help. I promise.” Himari said.

“Why are you here? It’s really late.” Tomoe asked. Her vision had finally returned and she was looking at the clock.

“I’m not sure. I just felt like I needed to come here.” Himari replied.

“Well… are you going to go home?”

“Um… if you want me to stay, I will.” Himari said.

“Thanks… I don’t like being alone. Not with all these people around.” Tomoe said.

“Yeah. I bet. Doctors and nurses are nice and all, but it’s awkward having to talk to them.” Himari said.

They sat in silence for a while. Himari was debating if it was worth it to text the others. It was really late. She doubted they would be awake, but she wanted to tell them. Himari eventually decided she would send the text. As expected, no one replied or read it.

“Himari. I’m sorry about all of this.” Tomoe mumbled.

“Hey, you don’t need to apologize.” Himari replied, “It’s okay. We’re just glad you’re alright.”

“This would’ve never happened if I would’ve just gotten help…”

“No. It’s our fault for not listening to you. That was what went wrong.” Himari protested.

“But… but if I would’ve told my parents then…”

“It’s really hard to talk to them about this stuff. I get why you didn’t.” Himari said.

“So… do you think they’re going to admit me or just send me to therapy?” Tomoe asked.

“I don’t know. Considering how bad you were, they might admit you.” Himari replied.

“I don’t want that…”

“They know what’s right for you. You need to trust them if that’s their decision.” Himari said.

“I know. But, it’s hard. I just want to go on with life. Not be stuck somewhere.”

“It’s not set in stone. You may not be admitted. You never know.” Himari tried to reassure her.

A few minutes of silence followed. Tomoe looked like she wanted to say something. But, nothing came out of it for a while. Himari was checking her phone to see if someone read her text yet. It didn’t appear as though anyone had.

“What’s going to happen with the five of us?” Tomoe whispered.

“Nothing. Everything will return to normal once you get better.” Himari stated.

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

…

It had been a while. Tomoe was getting better. She hadn’t been admitted and was just made to attend therapy sessions twice a week. She seemed happier now. Everyone was relieved to see her getting better.

They had all taken a break from the band. They all decided it would be best to take a break until Tomoe could come back. They felt it would make her feel better knowing she wasn’t missing out on anything. They figured that was what had caused her to get so upset before. Because they were going to continue without her.

It took quite some time before Tomoe was good enough to return to the band. Everyone waited patiently for her to recover. They were always there to support her. Tomoe couldn’t have asked for a better group of friends. They stuck by her side through it all and never left.

From now on, they all decided they’d take a day out of the week where they’d go out somewhere and talk about things. That way, no one had to approach them, they could just talk then. Unless, they desperately needed to talk before that.

It was working out well for them. It actually made everyone a lot more open than normal. They didn’t feel as embarrassed to share things now. It was a time they could talk and not be judged for it. It was nice.

Everyone had started to wonder why they didn't do that sooner.


End file.
